Griswald Family Christmas


Influenced by the Griswalds, we decided this year to get a real tree. Not just any tree mind you, a cut your own tree.

When we got up this morning, and looked out our backyard, I saw the deer that I have trained to mow my lawn hard at work:



Back to work!! That lawn is not gonna mow itself.



We arrived at Bell’s Family Christmas Tree Farm in Accord, NY and within 3 seconds of meeting me, this nice man handed me a saw pointed up the hill and said : ” Go get ’em tiger!” I am kidding about the “Go get ’em Tiger” part, but he did point and mumbled something about how the Douglas Firs are on top of the hill and to the right.

Here is the hill:


Dragging the sled, correction..Laurie dragging the sled, we climbed the hill stopping to snap a pic once we reached the top. Here is the view from the top of the moutain hill:

We spotted the sign for Douglas Firs. The sign was located next a red street sign, with the name “COMET” on it. The Douglas Firs were down Comet Street. Adorable.

We headed to the right, explored a bit, Maddie took a shit, then we explored some more, then finally we spotted our tree:


Take a picture of me before you murder the tree.

I strategicly put the sled right where the tree is going to fall and proceeded to hack away much to the chagrin of this guy:

The Lorax speaks for the trees. Not so much for Christmas trees tho.

A few minutes later, the crime scene looked like this:

Our shadows while artistic, only serve to humiliate the fallen tree further.

Now, climbing up the hill was not all that tough. Getting down the hill with an 80 pound tree was actually fun. I envision my self hopping on top of the tree and riding it all the way down to the bottom. Then I envision the headline :” Sledding Massacre at Tree Farm”. I thought against barreling down the mountain and just kinda guided the tree.

The almost-massacre scene at the bottom of the hill:


See that red machine in the picture above? It is pretty cool…you ram the tree into the hole and it binds the tree tight for you. Serial killers and kidnappers everywhere must be clamoring for a device like this.

The tree was tied up nice and tight like a Dexter victim. Do we tie the body tree to the roof? Hell no! That is not how we roll. We shoved it into the Saturn:


Plenty of room!



20 Comments on “Griswald Family Christmas”

  1. Maddie took a what??

    I have to commend you on the trained deer. That’s pure genius right there. And glad to hear there was no tree massacre, either. Lorax would have been suicidal.


    • We get to the top of the hill and of course it is at that convenient location my first born decides she must poo. Not pee, but poo. Fine. Ok. What the heck to do? Then the thought hits me. It is biodegradeable! So, we usher her to the corner of the farm where no one is, and she shat right under someone’s future Christmas tree. Hopefully, no one picks that one this year. Thank the lord my wife had napkins in her jacket. I am sure the pine cones would have been rough.
      Training the deer was easy. Caddle prods and apples.
      The last I saw the Lorax he was tied to someones roof.


  2. Hanes says:

    So THAT’S what a Christmas tree farm looks like without snow! I’ve never seen our regular one snowless. One bonus of this abundance of snow, besides all the scenic/idyllic B.S. is this: it’s much, much easier to drag your tree on snow – that sucker slides like glass – so long as you can keep those pesky kids off the tree.

    I’m impressed with your inside the car home run strategy. Once I get another kid or two to move out of the house I’d like to try that!


    • Yes snow is much more scenic and conjures up images of Danny fucking Kaye. However, climbing up the frozen slippery hill does not make me a jolly elf. Let’s not even mention the trip to getting to the farm.


  3. Aunt Jeams says:

    Hysterical, enjoyable and real as always! Loved this post the best for some reason. GREAT pictures too! So funny! Miss you Griswalds!


  4. huskerfan62 says:

    I finally subscribed to this. I started following it after seeing the link in the avs forum. I’m always surfing the internet for good entertainment and this is ….. well….. good entertainment. I find myself laughing out loud sometimes or re telling the stories to my wife. ( who thinks I’m crazy ) Keep up the good work.


  5. shoes says:

    LOL!!! Sounds like quite the adventure.


  6. Speaking of Christmas Vacation, I’ve been trying to compile a list of the absolute must-see Christmas movies. My list currently stands at:
    1) Die Hard (“Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.”)
    2) Gremlins (drunk gremlins singing carols and flashing people, now that’s xmas spirit)
    3) Christmas Vacation
    4) Friday After Next (never seen this one myself, but a friend swears it belongs… I’ll keep uyou posted)


  7. shoes says:

    Ok, I know I already commented on this post but I find you hilarious and wanted to share your blog with my readers. I have given you the Versatile Blogger Award. Feel free to check out the details on my latest post, or not, just wanted to give a bit of link love. Cheers!


  8. Of course for your story to be REALLY funny you’d have to go screaming down the highway at 85, come to a sudden stop thus propelling the tree through the windshiled and into a row on innocent nuns crossing the street. Maybe next year.


A good bartender always listens....

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