My Visit to Arden Hill Hospital

I kicked off my four-day Memorial Day weekend by being admitted to the hospital. I am such a douche.

Here’s the story:

I went for a routine check up on Thursday for my lazy-as-shit-Thyroid. What is wrong with it you ask? Picture a Thyroid on welfare sitting in the trailer all day watching day time TV instead of job hunting. That is the Thyroid dealt to me. I guess I asked for the shitty one lying around on the clearance rack. Anyway, my appointment was to have blood drawn in order to check my levels.

The next day, the doctor called me up and told me to go to Urgent Care and have an EKG done real quick, my Potassium level is critically low.  I arrived at Urgent Care around 1. While there, the doctor on call told me she would be admitting me to Arden Hill and the ambulance is on the way.

At this point, my head is spinning. Thoughts range from:”what the fuck just happened?” to “what if it is serious” to “screw this, I’m outta here”. 

They put a needle in my forearm to get it all ready to accept the Potassium I.V. when I arrive at Arden Hill.

About 10 minutes later I am on a stretcher being wheeled out to an Ambulance.  Of course, we hit traffic. Can I go one day in my life without being in traffic? [Note: For Father’s Day I want to lay in a hammock and not go in a car at all for 24 hours].

On Friday afternoon around 2pm, I was transferred from the Crystal Run Rock Hill Urgent Care via ambulance to Arden Hill.  I was dropped off in room 157, bed A or a better description would be: “Land of Misfit Toys”. Never in my 35 years on this Earth did I feel more like a Charlie in the Box and this includes Navy Boot camp and military hospitals.

Around 2pm as I got settled into my bed, my RN, quickly introduced herself but was busy discharging my roommate Ed, 157B. Ok, no problem, she is busy-no complaints.  Eating at 3 trumps patient care so, around 4 pm my RN finally came back into my room to complete the intake interview.  Glad she got to eat. At no point did anyone ask if I was thirsty or even hungry. I have not eaten since 11am because I was in Urgent Care, than in traffic in an Ambulance.  I do not know about you, but when a Guest enters my home, I ask them if they would like a drink.  One would think a hospital would be cognizant of basic human needs such as food and water.

FUN FACT: At this point, it is now 3 hours since Urgent Care put the needle in my arm for my Potassium  IV.


  •  Why is no one starting an IV for me ?
  • When you label something “critical”, is common to wait four hours to treat it?
  •  Isn’t that the sole reason why I am being admitted?
  • What is the staff doing besides eating??

 To be fair, it was a Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend and I totally understand why the staff wanted to bolt out the door.  I get it.  Who wants to be stuck in a hospital taking care of a patient. I was not asking for concierge service, just bare minimum performance would have included a graham cracker and ginger ale.

After the Friday day shift crew left,  every other Nurse assigned to me was professional, caring and all kick-ass. It is a shame one or two bad apples ruin it for the rest of them.  I hope Arden Hill recognizes those Nurses that actually gives a shit. The rest of the weeked’s nurse were all striving to the same goal: Get me pumped full of Potassium and then out the door! They were all great.

Sunday, May 30 @ 9:55am my Potassium I.V. alarm was going off next to my bed. No response from anyone.  Alarm kept beeping, so I tried my nurses button, but discovered it is broken.  That is right, the nurses button was fucking broken. WTF? Here is the pic:

In case of heart attack, just yell for help.

I decided I shall take my health care into my own hands and roll the machine on out to the Nurses’ station. Good thing I am able to walk around, what if I was a real patient that could not get out of bed?  Why is it that all the Nurses assigned to me on the day tour flat out do not give a shit. They can say all they want that they care, but their actions clearly speak that they have been in Nursing to long and no longer see patients as human beings and see them as a pain in the ass. The RNs from the 4×12 shift and the overnight shift kick ass and need a raise pronto. Those nurses actually came in when the alarm went off! Believe it?  I did not even know my Nurse button was broken, because those nurses anticpated the problem before I had to use it. 

Where was I? Oh so on with my story: I unplugged the I.V. machine from the wall and rolled on out to the Nurses’ station and observed one nurse in particular eating her breakfast.  I stood at the station hoping she would hear the alarm. Finally she did and asked:” What can I do for you?”

I wanted to throw the machine right at her. When it dawned on her that the alarm was going off, she slowed the flow down because she had to call the Pharmacy to get a new bag of Potassium.  Slow the flow down? Is she kidding? I want to keep the flow where it is to get me out of here.

Perhaps when she first came on, she could have checked in on me (and my roomate) to see if anything was needed? At that point she would have realized she needs to call the pharmacy and have the next bag of Potassium ready to go-the whole reason why I am in here. Failing at bare minimum.

After this failure to achieve Bare Minimum standards, I started to notice more  bare minimum efforts:

Should we use stickers? Nah...glue with glitter will work.

"Exception Health Care is our misson" and hanging signs with one piece of scotch tape is Bare Minimum Quality!

In order to achieve Bare Minimum standards, one must caulk blindfolded.

Fuck it, don't even need tape with this sign. Bare Minimum is how we roll.

Wow. Bare Minimum and cut corners at all costs. I hope this is not a sign to come with universal health care.

I was released on Sunday afternoon with normal levels all around- no thanks to the day shift.

So, THANK YOU 4×12’s and overnight crew!! You guys rock and I hope Jeffery D. Hirsch President & Chief Executive Officer see this blog post and gives all you lovely ladies a free day off. Or a coffe mug.


10 Comments on “My Visit to Arden Hill Hospital”

  1. Lil sis says:

    So I do have a correction in this here post, whenever u have people come into your home u don’t have to get them a drink it’s already poured and waiting for them


  2. Busy-Dad-E says:

    Sorry you had to spend your holiday weekend in the hospital, although it sounds like it’s inspired a second career as a hospital inspector.

    I’m glad your thyroid shaped up after everyone gave it a talking-to.


    • O'Shea Shenanigans says:

      I would be the biggest asshole hospital inspector. There is basicly no excuse for bullshit like I observed other than laziness. Seriously, a piece of tape on each corner makes a world of difference.


    • O'Shea Shenanigans says:

      Thanks man. My thyroid needed a good scolding, it was misbehaving making me all swollen. It was basicly being a dick.


  3. bluesuit12 says:

    Well that sucks you had to spend your holiday weekend in a hospital with mostly crappy staff. Glad you’re doing better though. And what the crap is up with the letter glue? That actually kind of made me laugh out loud.


  4. dadshouse says:

    What a suckie experience. Glad to hear your levels are fine. I have a friend who’s an RN, and she works her ass off. Too bad your RN crew sat around.


    • O'Shea Shenanigans says:

      Yeah it kinda did suck. It was just the one RN crew that sat around, not all of them. It is just so frustrating that the ones that sit around spoil it for the goods ones. I run into this all the time when cops are jerks and I have to hear about it from friends and family. But comes with the job I chose. I wish their daytime Nurses were like the 4×12 and midnight crew because if they were they would be HealthCare Super Heroes.


  5. Woody says:

    Sorry to hear that Brian.

    Yes, that is a sign of things to come. One day you will look back at this hospital visit as the high water mark of your experience with the medical establishment.

    All downhill from here.


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