Pictoral History of the Mighty Septic

I get alot of questions on how I came to own a tractor. Here are couple of examples:

What the hell are you doing with a tractor?, Why is it orange? What will you do with a tractor? or You’ll shoot your eye out kid!

 Here is the story:

One day while raking leaves, I stepped on a white pipe. I thought to myself: “That’s peculiar…” Now, I do not know much about the engineering and design of a good septic system, but I am willing to bet that criss-crossed pipe sticking out of the ground is not in the design schematics:

November 4, 2004. Here we go...

November 4, 2004. Here we go...

 

I love my house builder. Thank you sir, you are a gentlemen and scholar.

I love my house builder. Thank you sir, you are a gentlemen and scholar. And a douchebag.

 

I think the pipes need to be connected? I am no expert....but....wow.

I think the pipes need to be connected? I am no expert....but....wow.

 

Given the house at that time was not even a year old and already having problems with its digestive system (sorry), I held a flint glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe it could be a quick fix.

At first, I dug just a bit and uncovered two pipes that were not connected! Whoo Hoo! mystery solved. All I have to do is dig up the one pipe and replace it. I am home free. I thought this pipe was the reason my backyard was a swamp. Thought I could dig it out, replace it, and problem solved. 

Super Husband

 

 

I know I would fix it licekty -split.

 

November 19 2004. I think someone forgot the glue.

November 11 2004. I think someone was drinking when installing the shit disposal system.

 

So here is what I dug up at first:

 

We've only just begun....

We've only just begun....

Well little did I know that the pipes were in 10 foot lengths and as a bonus were not even close to being on the correct slope. One might concludethat the morons who installed this either had one leg shorter than the other or were severly retarded. While I applaud hiring the handicapped and giving everyone a job, could it not be the job that ensures my shit flows down hill at a 1% slope?

Once unearthed, it was further revealed that now two pipes needed to be replaced.  April 2005-I took vacation and started to dig with visions of fixing the shit system Either that or striking oil:

I really like digging long rectangles.

I really like digging long rectangles.

 050412001

The project was moving along. Pipes were being replaced a little at a time on weekends and after work. Digging in my backyard is not easy due to the rocks and boulders every few shovel fulls.

  

April 10 2005. Digging rectangles by hand is fun.

April 10 2005. Digging rectangles by hand is fun.

  

I enlisted some help, and got some observers. They thought this was a union gig. Day one: Dad Curin and Sierra went on strike.

Break time again?

Break time again?

 

April 16, 2005:  I Fired my helpers.

April 16, 2005: I Fired my helpers.

 

So, all the pipes are replaced nice and neat, slope is good to go. Do I need rocks under the pipes? Hell no! (this will come back to haunt my fat ass) Cover it, call it a project done!
April 27 2005 Done?

April 27 2005 Done?

 

BS FLAG
YOU AIN’T DONE BUDDY!

A little more than a year later and what is this? A brand spanking new Kubota BX24:

 

July 29 2006 Orange colored hickmobile

July 29 2006 Orange colored hickmobile -with cruise control

 

Why? Swampland. So, what went wrong? I neglected the stone, and the landscaping fabric, and some other pipes needed to be changed. My backyard from April 05 through July 2006 was hanging in there until one day, while mowing the lawn, I discovered a puddle near the fence. I as sure as shit (ha ha) was not going to dig that mess up again by hand.

Super Husband

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I would have dug it up again.

 

You again? Go sew something. Anyway, I got a few estimates ranging from 15-17K. It just so happens that this safety orange beauty is 17K. Sure, I would have to dig again, but this time I would have hydraulics and 24 horses on my side. Oh, and an orange bucket. Than at the end of the project, I will have a new septic AND new tractor.  Capeche?

The Kubota worked nicely. The rocks are still a pain in the ass, but still better than with a manual shovel. Pretty soon I was back digging rectangles. Only this time, I will dig loooong rectangles because I am silly like that. So in April 2007 I took more vacation time and got back to work.

070422007
I replaced the first ten feet of the preforated pipes and the distribution box:
New Distribution Box and grey water. Yummy.

New Distribution Box and grey water. Yummy.

The kubota backhoe handled the shit like a champ. 17K well spent. Plus I get to keep it! Before the new pipe went down, I dug the old stone up, that looked like a concrete mass and smelled wonderful. I discovered the original stone was the wrong kind of stone. The builder is a special kind of asshole that will do this to a house he is building for a family to live in.  I ordered the right size stone and deposited it into the long trenches:
View from the deck

View from the deck

 

May 12 2007 Even more rectangles

May 12 2007 Even more rectangles

 

BONUS PIC!! A special mention from Google Maps!!! I looked my house up one day and could not believe it! There I am on the tractor  getting stone from the pile in the driveway and dumping them into the trenches. One might notice a Jeep Liberty in the driveway. Dad had to come up from Long Island to watch Madaghan so I could get some work done. I think Maddie had a fever and could not go to daycare. 

 

I am google famous.

I am google famous.

 I carefully placed the stone over the pipes checking for grading all the time. If the grading is off, the shit runs back into the distribution box and well, I am not digging this a 3rd time. Carefully,the stones fell into place and the landscape fabric was over the top to keep the dirt out. Water goes in, dirt stays out.

Fabric, Stone, Pipe, oh my.

Fabric, Stone, Pipe, oh my.

Distribution box covered by landscape fabric

Distribution box covered by landscape fabric

Covering the septic system with clean fill was a big job so I recruited some more parental units:
Tractor drag racing..

Tractor drag racing..

June 06 2007 Covered with fill. Or perhaps covered Phil.

June 06 2007 Covered with fill. Or perhaps covered Phil.

 

Here is what that mess looks like today:

 

Much more betterer

Much more betterer

Advertisements

3 Comments on “Pictoral History of the Mighty Septic”

  1. […] can read on how it came to be I got this thing by clicking HERE. Bring on the […]

    Like

  2. […] when I google earthed myself (new action verb) and saw my house from back when I was replacing the Mighty Septic: I love to Google […]

    Like

  3. A very good reason to get a tractor! Then once you have it you find all the world is a nail, er, tractable. 🙂

    Like


A good bartender always listens....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s