Guidelines (Customs?)for Drinking at O’Shea’s Neighborhood Bar.Posted: August 18, 2009
When There Will Be Drinking, Do not be afraid to be the First to Drink
Better to be a leader than a follower, and this way you get to set the terms — Scotch rather than Jägerbombs.
- Better a Wasted Drink Than a Wasted Drinker
Just because it’s sitting there in front of you is no reason to drink it. If you do not like it, send it back. I will not be offended.
- Count Your Drinks
Helps you stay in the party a bit longer. If it’s 10pm and your fast approaching your known limit, have a few glasses of water and some more chicken wings.
Did I just read Chicken Wings?
Yes. Captain Obvious, you did.
You’re bar will have chicken wings?
Oh, for the love that is holy. Yes. You really do live up to your name don’t you? Moving on…
- One Drink After 10:00 P.M. Equals Two Before 10:00 P.M.
It can take time for alcohol to take its effect. You might feel okay for yet another shot. Keep in mind that you probably haven’t felt the effects of the first three shots yet. Slow it down cowboy, you are not in the backseat on prom night.
- Beware the Bottomless Glass of Cabernet
It’s not just cabernet — any big red wine is packed with alcohol and when it flows freely at the dinner table, it’s hard to keep track of how much of it you’re consuming. This will make for a most unpleasant morning.
- If you owe me ten dollars or more, pay me back during happy hour.
- If you owe me ten dollars or less, you don’t. Instead, buy ice or cups or plates or napkins for the next fiesta.
- If a woman buys you a drink, she likes you.
However, at O’Shea’s she is probably already your wife or girlfriend and she is just being nice.
Make sure you say: “Thank-you my beautiful flower”.
Thanks for the tip Super-Husband. Now please run along and go write poetry.
Moving on (again)….
- Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
If you complain about anything I am serving, bear in mind it is free. Offer constructive criticism instead! I love constructive criticism, helps me improve O’Shea’s Neighborhood Bar. Suggestions are welcome too.
Want some constructive criticism?…You’re fat!
<Sigh>…once again…moving on….
- If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, in addition to getting kicked in the balls, you must drink at least two cans of that shit before you start drinking from my tap
- Try one new drink each time you visit O’Shea’s.
If you think your drink is rather exotic (i.e. Moscow Mule), than bring some of the ingredients you think I may not have. Call ahead- I will probably be all for your concoction and energized to try it too.
- Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
There are exceptions to this guideline. For instance, playing the entire “Dark Side of the Moon” from start to finish is fine. But try to stick to the guideline. There is only so much ABBA one can stomach.
Any guidelines you can think of? Anything I missed? Anything I should remove? Feel free to leave a response!